I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
