Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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