it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
