My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
