I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
