I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
