I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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