Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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