we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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