Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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