Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
