oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
