i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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