i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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