I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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