nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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