Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
