Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
