All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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