8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
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