Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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