I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
