You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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