Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
