dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
