I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
