You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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