no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize