Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
