you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
