I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
