I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
