My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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