babies were throwing up all over the place
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
