I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
