i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
