Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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