Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My feet surprised me
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