I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
