imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
