I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
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