she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
