There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
