so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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