she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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