loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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