I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
