haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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