I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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