We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
