He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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