Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
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