New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
