To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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