Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
