I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
