Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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