Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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