i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
