Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
