an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
