He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
