8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
