I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
