Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
