You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
