people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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