i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
