So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i think my mom watched the whole time
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
