i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
