do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
