i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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