nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
