I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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