we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
