We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
