what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
