If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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