And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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