Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
and she was petting her beer can
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
