I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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