I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
