I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
