end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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