Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
