in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
