i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
