maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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