pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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