so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
