We won't sleep together?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
