I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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