I am puke
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
