after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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