Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
